they're like a gay fantastic four
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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