there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
