just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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