My friends, they love my intelligence
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
