i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
