I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
