OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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