I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
