also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize