Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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