strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
