It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
