We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
