Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i barfeds in our rink
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
