He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
