I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He keeps bees of course he's weird
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
