I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
