theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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