I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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