worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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