This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
