Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's shark week go big or go home
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
