I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I CAN MOONWALK!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
