how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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