I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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