I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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