fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
