Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
