For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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