She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize