I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
