I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the day after is always just damage control
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
