Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
