she was so not down for the gang bang
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
