So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
