youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
