I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
