I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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