It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just sucked dick on a ferry
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
