Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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