HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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