so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
