Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
