theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
