so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize