im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
