She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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