pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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