This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
