apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
