yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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