Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I DEMAND FORESKIN
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
