how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
