I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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