bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
