this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
