I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
