her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
