the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
