Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
