Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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