dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize