And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
