i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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