Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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