How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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