He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
