Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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