Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
