her vagine was all disorganized.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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