I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
