its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
