her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
