Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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