but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
