the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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