Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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