I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
