just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
