i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
