worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
