You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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