Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
