then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize